Mother's Day

Some people define a mother as someone who gives birth to a child. Other people define a mother as someone who adopts a child as their own. A mother is someone who loves unconditionally and protects fiercely. The dictionary defines a mother as “a woman in relation to her child or children.” One word, a noun. A person. There are millions of mothers, each so vastly different from the other, each with their own definition and story, each an important puzzle piece in the story that makes up their children’s lives.  Today is my first Mother’s Day as a mother. Nothing in the world could have prepared me for the roller coaster of a life that my twin girls have given me for the past 10 months.  “Mother,” a simple word that easily rolls off the tongue yet has a deeper definition than the human mind can possibly comprehend until experiencing it first hand. I remember it all. The knot in my stomach as I wondered how I would be able to raise another human being. The fear of not being enough - not patient enough, not wise enough, not capable enough. I remember wondering how there would be enough room in my heart for two babies, especially when my heart already felt so full with the life and love I already had. I was worried having kids would change me... and boy, did it ever. I’m fortunate to have been raised by the woman who is my own mother. Never have I seen someone so selfless, giving, and loving. Now, as a Mom, I think back on all that she had to deal with. The piercing screams of endless temper tantrums of toddlers, wiping away the tears of growing pains and fighting back her own tears as sicknesses and illnesses fought to destroy what she treasured most in the world. The strength she had to have watching her kids go through their first heartbreaks, and trust she had to show as we struggled through schoolwork and good grades, theater auditions and swim meets. The powerlessness she must have felt as she had to step back to let us learn to be independent, eventually moving out of her home and going about in our own directions. The constant fear she must have felt for our safety, after so many years of catching us when we fell and then having to hope and pray that when we were on our own we would be able to get back up without her helping hand. And in the beautiful circle of life, how surreal her life must have felt as she comforted me through months of morning sickness, rubbing my back while I was sick, watching my stomach grow in the very same way hers once did. Holding her grandbabies in her arms for the first time, looking down into their big eyes and blinking away tears as she saw her own babies cradled in her arms, in what felt like just a blink ago.  I feel like I understand her more now that I have kids of my own. My jaw drops as I think of her strength, love, and bravery. I can only hope that the path I pave out for my little ones can be even slightly as full of adventure, laughs, tears, safety, love, and happiness as the one she paved for me. I am a better person and a better mother because of her.  Thank you, mom. I love you endlessly.